In not-so-shocking news, the senior girls at a high school in Millburn, NJ apparently, for years, have created a “slut-list,” where they list the names of “pretty and popular incoming freshman with crass descriptions on loose-leaf paper.” These girls are then subjected to what the NY Times is calling “hazing.” I tend to agree more with the writers over at The Frisky who say it sounds much more like bullying than mere hazing. The pattern of mean-ness among high school girls is not so surprising anymore after the barrage of books about this phenomenon and the movie “Mean Girls.” What’s shocking to me is that the principal at the high school has apparently known about this tradition for years and the school is only addressing it in a big way now. It’s time that we start paying more attention to teenage girls and giving them the support they need to cooperate rather than compete with each other. I must admit that I love the movie “Mean Girls” and shows like “Gossip Girl,” but we should be teaching young girls that these movies and TV shows are entertainment and satire, not models of behavior that they should be emulating or striving for.
Ah, high school
September 22, 2009 by emilyposts
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oh those bad Millburn, NJ students.
i tell ya, when’ll they ever learn
yeeesh/
I think art was imitating life when it comes to movies like “Mean Girls”. There was plenty catty behaviour going on way before the media addressed it.
This story made http://detentionslip.org ! Check it out for all the crazy headlines from our schools.
That’s crazy. I hope the girls that are subjected to this don’t turn into crazy husband-snatching adults.
http://www.theprettyproject.com
hi! i came across your blog by chance. Girls can be so terribly cruel. What kills me is that some freshmen were upset they didn’t make the list. I was always happy to be invisible in high school.
Invisibility is such a blessed thing in high school. To just be unnoticed by everyone and actually get some work done… ah what a peaceful thought.
I also enjoy the occasional teen movie. But I think they only aggravate the problems. No matter how satirical they are, girls see “Mean Girls” as a blueprint for life. That’s not to say movies are the problem! I think it’s the parents. Always the parents.
Maybe people need to start thinking about the message they are sending out when they write satires, books, or whatnot? Yes, it’s satire. Yes, it is just a movie or funny television show, but what it boils down to is media making gossip and meanness funny and okay. I never read books where the character is mean because I know I won’t like it. It’s like fast and furious–you are making street racing the hero and you are making it cool to the youth. What happened to the shows where the “good” characters always overcame the “bad” characters? What is so wrong with teaching a good message in our movies, television, books, and reinforce it by teaching our children to act with integrity? What happened to the character in the movie we all cheered because, in spite of the troubles he went through, the person stood up against popular opinion to fight for what is right? Sigh. It’s sad. Great blog btw.
What happened to the shows where the “good” characters always overcame the “bad” characters?.
In real life, not everyone is all good or all bad. If art didn’t occasionally reflect, criticize, or engage with the complexity of actual human behavior, we’d be unable to hold up any sort of mirror to ourselves. It’s easier to scrutinize human folly when you externalize it and analyze characters from a film or a book. People who aren’t so keen on introspection may not wish to see those same flaws within themselves.
What is so wrong with teaching a good message in our movies, television, books, and reinforce it by teaching our children to act with integrity?
You raise a good point. On the one hand, of course nothing is wrong with (more) literature, cinema, and music that promote more positive themes and stories. On the other hand, though, there’s no consensus as to whether or not art should firstly entertain and secondly educate, or if it should do both in whatever covert or overt ways the artist feels appropriate. If the “teaching” is both blatant and subtextual, some might cry out, “propaganda” while others shout, “mindless entertainment obscuring propaganda?”
Also, children might benefit more if their parents and mentors and visual culture were different sources of insight and understanding.
What happened to the character in the movie we all cheered because, in spite of the troubles he went through, the person stood up against popular opinion to fight for what is right? Sigh. It’s sad. Great blog btw.
These stories aren’t going anywhere. The hero’s journey a la Joseph Cambell and Vladimir Propp.
Satirical works that focus on adolescence aren’t necessarily for a youth audience. Not to say that there aren’t teenagers who can understand the humor, but they may not have acquired enough “experience” to appreciate fully that which is being criticized. It’s like not getting all of the inside jokes until you’re old enough to look back on your teenage years with nostalgia or utter contempt.
i can agree with the last post bout the parents but i also highly agree with the movie thing. I can see these young girls feeling its cool to be mean like some do when they see this kinda acting in a movie. I believe i may have felt like i wanted to do some stuff ive seen in the movies before. Hope they get straightned out
Great story. It just goes to show how much more attention parents should give not just to their girls but their boys as well.
Hilarious.
I think your brain is nice in a refreshing way.
hai,so cute!nice message
yupp i agree
girls can be soo judgemental and superficial
Isn’t that partially illegal because it’s slander? I think general High school stuff is such a waste of time. Not to mention it practically scars people for life. How is it people are supposed to learn when you’ve got half the class whispering about how you “slept with that guy” when you really didn’t. Or when a rumor, or just plain bias, has half the student body glaring at you as you walk down the halls and whispering insults two feet behind your back. I’m amazed I’m partially pulling it off to be quite honest.
“Mean girls” need not have to say “girls are mean”. Its obvious to everyone already
Gosh I’m so glad I’m done with high school. What they did was immature, petty, and downright hurtful to the people they were talking about. High school is where you are only trying to fit in. Those girls should be ashamed.
Sounds like ‘Mean Girls’ plot to me.
let’s not forget the real culprit in all this: sexism and patriarchy. divide and conquer, or have women/girls quite literally browbeat other women/girls into sexist gender roles.
to resolve issues like this, we need to look at the forces surrounding this type of rotten behavior. the girls who are misbehaving are themselves victims of these oppressive social forces.
they should have stepped in earlier if they knew
People have this nature about them to be cruel. A lot of times we band together (a group of high schoool girls, a gang, or a terrorist group) to do something bad, but we feel good about it. There is a solution though. We need to find our real purpose for life.
We all know it starts even earlier than high school and all you can do is teach good techniques for combatting cruel taunts and to point out when it is just girls or boys being silly and when it is bullying FROM AN EARLY AGE.
My daughter is 8 and she was very unsettled when she started her new school. I taught her to play ‘ping pong’ in her head with the things people said. She found a way that worked for her which was visualising it all on a TV screen and then switching the channel or switching it off completely.
Teaching kids from an early age techniques to erase negativity and to turn negatives into positives is essential to their well being. Positivity attracts positivity and it worked in my daughter’s case as things changed dramatically over night.
But there are times when intervention is essential. Yesterday she told me a girl had been rough with her on and off for a year and then said but now she is telling me she is going to get her brothers to beat me up and I am scared. She told me to ask the teacher to move her as they sit next to each other in class. I said I would but that I would have to tell the teacher what the girl said as well because that is UNACCEPTABLE and is BULLYING. Parents, teachers and other children and teenagers need to make it clear where the line is drawn by writing rules of interaction between kids from an early age and by intervening as quickly as we can. Why aren’t there regular classes in behaviour using kids favourite television programmes or films as examples. I am sure they would love these classes – any excuse to watch TV.
Bullying and sexual taunting can have as big an affect as rape in ruining people’s lives. I have sexually bullied friends who would back up this fact.
Abi http://www.butterflydiaries.wordpress.com
“bullying than mere hazing”
mere hazing? I’d say there’s nothing ever mere about hazing.
I love your blog.
xxx
Yes. They are taking the stuff they see on screen a little too seriously.
xxsh@nxx
This isn;t sth shocking .Most high school girls used to do those kind of lists…..
The only way to avoid being accussed of sleeping with someone is to sleep with no one. If girls got it through their heads that it’s not the way to keep a guy they’d be much better off. If girls want to be treated like ladies they can start acting like ladies.
As far as movies and TV–It’s entertainment. But you the mother’s of the world think they had nothing to do with their teenager turning into a bitch they better wake up and smell the coffee. Listen, I mean really listen to the mothers when you’re in a store. I work in retail and here are a few examples of what I’ve heard.
A little girl is given the opportunity to pick a birthday present for her friend. The mother said the gift was from her and she could pick whatever she wanted. The girl chose quickly and for the next 5 minutes the mother badgered the living piss out of her and made other suggestions, until the girl bought what the mother wanted her to buy. That little girl learned how to manipulate people that day.
Another: A three year old crying hysterically carrying a new pair of shoes. Begs her mother to stop and listen, she even said please. The mother pushing the cart dilligently down the aisle yells for her to shut up and get control or she’ll put the shoes back. The little girl dropped the shoes and struggled to put them in the box as the mother turns out of sight. Crying harder now as she thinks she’s being left behind, she asks politely again, please stop. The mother looks back around the corner and stares. Yells another warning that the shoes will be put back. The bitch isn’t even able to control her own emotions at the age of 20 something and she is abusing the three year old because she can’t get control. The little legs on that girl had to take three steps for the moms one.
Another toddler follows mom and begs to just go home and take a nap. But no, she needs to look at bras!
NEWS FLASH LADIES: You’re teaching your daughters how to be bitches long before they turn on the TV. That mom had one thing on her mind–herself.
hm… those girls at the photo look nice of course! Wow! especially the first one! they do not look like freshmen at all! I would not be happy to be their teacher. i am sure i would have many problems with my bosses because of them! lol!
I wouldn’t blame the movies. Girls were mean before movies. I like the point about cooperation instead of competition, hopefully they mature into woman instead of staying girls.
Wow. I can’t believe the school principal knew this and didn’t do a thing until now. That’s horrible. Did he (I assume it’s a he but it could be a she) think it would make the girls more docile in school if they were crawling and slinking instead of thriving and making friends ?
I loved Mean Girls and Gossip Girl…but the Gossip Girl books are terrible. They are even worse than the show ! I couldn’t even read half a book.
I generally agree with you that this is more a case of girls bullying one another than of Hazing. Using a more college geared definition, hazing is more about an initiation rite for an organization (usually a sorority or fraternity). This is just girls being mean, they are mean girls…as for the involvement of the satires being partially blamed for these acts. I dont think you can quite draw the conclusion that that is why this is occuring. I remember my freshman day of high school and it was quite common for kids to be pushed around by the seniors. It was more about asserting authority then anything else.
[...] to “haze” these girls. After reading emilyposts thoughts I responded here with my own Ah, Highschool. I agree with emilyposts that this is more a case of bullying than anything else as I expressed in [...]
Ah, high school…and junior high, and elementary school. Bullying seems to start at a younger age than ever before, so it’s important that we begin to teach tolerance and empathy in the early years.
Let’s face it–there are always going to be bullies. We’re human beings, and it is part of our nature to find a way to fit into the hierarchy of society. But as parents and teachers, it is vital that we devote ourselves to, not only educating children about the effects of bullying, but in showing them by example, too.
In my Young Adult novel, Grumble Bluff, I touch on the suject of bullying and its effects on two tweens, and I hope that I can make a positive impression on our young people in this way. Growing up is hard, there’s no doubt about it. But it CAN be a pleasant journey– with attentive parents, diligent educators and kind friends.
Respectfully submitted,
Karen
http://karenbesseypease.blogspot.com/